tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post7145895349243099074..comments2023-05-03T05:22:30.162-04:00Comments on Mary Haseltine: Help Me Out - How Would YOU Describe Labor?Mary @ Better Than Edenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-39032764131306802212014-03-28T18:02:45.354-04:002014-03-28T18:02:45.354-04:00Hahaha! I hope you don't mind that I'm dy...Hahaha! I hope you don't mind that I'm dying at your elf-people!!! Think I should share that one with clients? Can you imagine me saying something like that to someone in the middle of labor? "Relax...Just picture the elf-people on your stomach..." Haha...I honestly think I may have to use that as a teaching reference, though, because it is GREAT and shows how you totally do go to a different mental place while in labor! ;)Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-72585266721033125142014-03-28T17:57:35.117-04:002014-03-28T17:57:35.117-04:00Definitely. It's so helpful to know what exac...Definitely. It's so helpful to know what exactly relaxes each individual client because that makes such a difference for laboring! And I love bringing prayer into it. It takes it to a whole different level.Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-74102172398607466842014-03-28T14:52:37.691-04:002014-03-28T14:52:37.691-04:00Mary, now I'm thinking back - maybe it's n...Mary, now I'm thinking back - maybe it's not actually a curtain? I think it's the blue ribbons imagery, but I somehow morphed that (during labor) into a big stage curtain being gathered up. I think I even visualized tiny elf-people running up and down the curtain, gathering it... I don't know, whatever it was, it seems super crazy now, but it did work!Kelseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02535353084788668819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-31151618710505272312014-03-28T10:19:16.622-04:002014-03-28T10:19:16.622-04:00I usually just tell people it is best to practice ...I usually just tell people it is best to practice consciously relaxing your body as much as possible. Pray and trust that your body knows what to do. I don't tell them much else b/c, like you said, it is different for every woman and every woman has a completely different pain tolerance. We have our second homebirth, fourth natural birth coming up and every time it was different, but I always tell myself to: "Relax." If I slip into a little bit of panic - like starting to get stressed or thinking I can't do it, then I have my husband or midwives remind me to calm down and when I do, then I am better able to relax and open my body for baby to come out. =)Elisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07975746279957689529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-89935201643154145042014-03-26T17:18:45.359-04:002014-03-26T17:18:45.359-04:00That's really neat that your childhood experie...That's really neat that your childhood experiences helped you with birth! I try to help clients use their little pains leading up to birth as a way to "practice" how they will react when in labor so I appreciate that a lot. And yes, labor is definitely work!Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-44350471743703174882014-03-26T17:04:31.806-04:002014-03-26T17:04:31.806-04:00It makes sense, thank you! I try to read clients ...It makes sense, thank you! I try to read clients as best I can to see if they're doing an awesome job going in like that and I try not to break that. I think those labors tend to be the most peaceful! Did you have a doula with you ever? What do you think a doula could have helped while you were "going in"? Guarding the space and environment? Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-64647966449750789042014-03-26T17:00:41.368-04:002014-03-26T17:00:41.368-04:00Yes, I talk to clients about how visual imagery ca...Yes, I talk to clients about how visual imagery can be helpful. I especially like the flower one (I used that with some of my births and it really really helped!) I'm not familiar with the curtain one. I must've forgotten it because I read the book years ago. <br /><br />I'm so glad you're labor was a happy surprise!Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-86271065726679770502014-03-26T15:00:18.322-04:002014-03-26T15:00:18.322-04:00When I was a kid, I had allergy shots—twice a week...When I was a kid, I had allergy shots—twice a week, once a week, every two weeks, every three weeks for about seven years. Any time you get a shot, it really helps to relax all over, especially the part of your body that is about to hurt. If you relax well enough, and if the person giving the shot is good, and if it's the right kind of shot, you won't even feel it. I even slouch when I get a shot in my arm. All that lack of muscle activity helps.<br /><br />I found that my experience in getting allergy shots worked really well to help me through labor with no medication. When I felt a contraction coming, I'd relax every single part of my body, and it'd be manageable pain. If I didn't relax enough, it'd get really awful. And there were some parts that were pretty awful anyway. But I dislike taking drugs if I don't have to, and fortunately I didn't have to. Unfortunately, my daughter did not have this same experience. But now that she knows how her own body works, she's fine with getting an epidural.<br /><br />My mother used to say that labor is aptly named, that it's really hard work. And some of the noises that one makes are like the noises one makes while moving a really heavy piece of furniture, for example.<br /><br />Hope that helps!Melissa H-Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03674140433439195917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-18560169048322471122014-03-26T13:39:15.466-04:002014-03-26T13:39:15.466-04:00I was going to write my thoughts, then I saw that ...I was going to write my thoughts, then I saw that everything I thought of saying, were exactly what all the other comments said! After my sixth natural birth, I would say being at peace-being OUT of fear-trusting myself and my body fully-staying OUT of panic mode (do it yourself hypno birthing helped so much-imagery, relaxation techniques, quiet, dark, no voices) was the key for me. When I look back at some of my births, (with midwives), I feel like I had too much interference-maybe because I have posterior babies-but this last time, I told THEM what I was going to do-which was lay on my back, with my eyes closed, and not moving an inch. Before it was so much-"try this position", "get on the ball", "try the shower". I needed to go IN, to concentrate, to be still, to let my body do the work. I love what Kelsey wrote about surrendering. AND it's so important to know beforehand the process of labor-I could make my mind work along with my body and picture what my body was doing, which allowed me to set aside the pain as almost an external aspect that didn't reach the fear mechanism in my brain.<br />I don't know if that makes sense. And I sure wish it didn't take me till my sixth to figure it all out! :)Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14912466557223829314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-65556160090089655392014-03-26T11:28:07.059-04:002014-03-26T11:28:07.059-04:00I like the wave imagery - also the opening flower ...I like the wave imagery - also the opening flower and gathering curtain imagery from HypnoBirthing. Do you know those? They were so helpful to me during contractions! Honestly, there were three moments in labor when I thought I couldn't do it - once when active labor was really getting underway, once in transition (for which I was in the car, I got to the hospital at 10 cm!) and once when pushing. But they pass quickly. And if you can surrender and let your body do it's thing, you're rewarded with the most incredible relaxation between contractions - at least I was!<br /><br />Honestly, my first thought after my daughter was born was, "That was it?!" After the all the horror stories I'd heard, it really wasn't bad! I think one of the things I was most afraid of was losing my mind somehow. That didn't happen. Throughout the whole experience, even the tougher bits, I felt very self-possessed - even when I was "letting my animal do it" like Ina May says!Kelseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02535353084788668819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-24185050528765485802014-03-26T06:49:09.176-04:002014-03-26T06:49:09.176-04:00I had that same experience with my last birth. I ...I had that same experience with my last birth. I DID remember the pain and it was very very hard to get over that. But you're right, I don't tell that to first or second time moms because what good would it do? <br /><br />I do use the wave image and even give them a handout about using that image because I find it very powerful as well! Thanks, Erin.Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-3644109814199002792014-03-26T06:47:31.307-04:002014-03-26T06:47:31.307-04:00It's amazing how much just simply relaxing the...It's amazing how much just simply relaxing the other parts of your body can help! I'm constantly on the look out for that during a birth. Especially the jaw and face. Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-13785755527735103672014-03-26T06:45:54.125-04:002014-03-26T06:45:54.125-04:00Thank you! I like the idea of considering it a mo...Thank you! I like the idea of considering it a moment of peace.Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-60865631358701969072014-03-25T21:36:02.254-04:002014-03-25T21:36:02.254-04:00I'd would say, "There is a reason why wom...I'd would say, "There is a reason why women all share their birth stories, giving birth is equal to hiking the Himalayas, frankly we're awesome!" and I work mentally alot like KK shares, working with the contractions, visualizing them as the ocean, riding through the contractions/waves, in and out. and yes work with, surrender to your body. The mind is very powerful, when you allow fear to take over it makes it so much harder, when you surrender and work with, so much better mentally.<br /><br />Having birthed 11 babies though I wouldn't say you forget it all, once you've had a few babies you remember it all! but... as these are first time mamas you don't need to say that to them yet. If you had a mum having her 4th or so you could reassure her that is normal to remember though. but that's a whole nother story (or another post;)Erinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04448595911801738792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-78954655755666683812014-03-25T20:03:26.452-04:002014-03-25T20:03:26.452-04:00At this point (after three unmedicated births) my ...At this point (after three unmedicated births) my husband has told me that he knows when I'm in transition because that's when I hit my wall and start crying and claiming I can't do it anymore! I would echo the same sentiments I've seen from others here -- trust your body, and know that when the pain is at its worst it's nearly over. I also sat in the tub for a while this last time and that was glorious, and I made a big effort to keep my face and jaw relaxed during each contraction (a piece of advice from Ina May) and breathed/hummed my way through them. I was very proud of getting all the way to the actual pushing part without yelling, and I think it really helped. I've never had a doula, but I had a nurse this last time who was so great she could've been a doula, and a very calm midwife who pretty much only showed up to "catch" the baby (an apt term in this case!). What they both did that was great was stay very calm and nonchalant while still being sympathetic to my pain, very encouraging, and very open to whatever I wanted to do. Rosemaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12470988402469275239noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-90989915318828345122014-03-25T18:04:04.326-04:002014-03-25T18:04:04.326-04:00My two experiences I labor were something like thi...My two experiences I labor were something like this too. The second one half as long as the first. Trusting in and letting your body do what it was built to do are my advice, an that it's like a difficult bowel movement to the extreme, but it ends and you get to MEET someone! And yes my midwives trained my husband to be ready to do what he might have to do if they didn't get here in time! Thankfully, they didAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04238529447126818172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-50451903020567678262014-03-25T17:12:27.766-04:002014-03-25T17:12:27.766-04:00I think just what you said is perfect! First time...I think just what you said is perfect! First time parents are easy to scare. You might tell them, yes it hurts there is no denying that. But it wanes in and out. God slowly let things build up and then he gives you a moment of peace, so you can breathe in and start again. The best part is the pain is quickly forgotten. Within a second the pain is gone and all there is is the beautiful shinning face of your baby and you will never ever for a tiny second think it wasn't worth it. Actually, you would be willing to go through 10 times worse just to see your child look at you for the first time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-59424940372739299642014-03-25T15:35:34.740-04:002014-03-25T15:35:34.740-04:00I like your doula :) The idea of planning ahead o...I like your doula :) The idea of planning ahead of time how you will handle it is really helpful when in the moment it's so hard to think straight. And yes. The wall. Definitely.Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-77857723466670985922014-03-25T13:40:58.600-04:002014-03-25T13:40:58.600-04:00My best advice from my doula before my 1st was bor...My best advice from my doula before my 1st was born: You will likely hit a wall where you feel like you can't do it anymore, plan or figure out ahead of time, the best you can, as to how you will cope with that both mentally and physically. Really that it is not abnormal to feel like you can't continue at a certain point in an unmedicated birth but that that usually means you are close or in transition. Also for me I would say that birth is 80% surrender to what is happening to your body. Just let it all happen and don't struggle against it. It is hard work and parts of it could certainly be described as painful but it is nothing to be feared. KKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14457791528867900551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-75145446404121933112014-03-25T13:26:44.150-04:002014-03-25T13:26:44.150-04:00Ah, the after cramps. With each baby they get har...Ah, the after cramps. With each baby they get harder. That initial few moments when they're nursing is brutal. Ibuprofen is my friend then. And wine :)Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-86823186195280636272014-03-25T13:25:24.034-04:002014-03-25T13:25:24.034-04:00Oh, yes. I do have a follow-up, meeting but I thi...Oh, yes. I do have a follow-up, meeting but I think I could give more detail before the baby is born and make sure they know what to expect, what is normal, and what to have on hand. I remember being surprised by the fact that I looked six or seven months pregnant right after which is obviously normal and makes sense but I had just never thought about it before! Thank you!Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-21275616517143229882014-03-25T13:23:11.191-04:002014-03-25T13:23:11.191-04:00That's interesting! I appreciate this perspec...That's interesting! I appreciate this perspective and visual a lot, thank you! I remember after having one of my babies feeling like it was if my insides were wrung out like washcloth!Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-34090379633657128772014-03-25T13:21:20.035-04:002014-03-25T13:21:20.035-04:00Oh, yes. I try hard to help them understand that ...Oh, yes. I try hard to help them understand that it's usually never like what they see on TV. You know, without any warning water breaks, followed by screaming and immediately pushing baby out! Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-4492903748009179322014-03-25T13:19:07.946-04:002014-03-25T13:19:07.946-04:00Oh, wow! That is fast! The dads I see are almost...Oh, wow! That is fast! The dads I see are almost always worried about something like that and I tell them that it's usually never like that :)Mary @ Better Than Edenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05409924891343767874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-640846201971673514.post-12176771257254717082014-03-25T10:29:47.917-04:002014-03-25T10:29:47.917-04:00For my first, I had no idea how painful labor real...For my first, I had no idea how painful labor really was. Everyone I knew had always gotten the epidural, and I had already made up my mind I wasn't doing that. So when labor got pretty intense, I kept thinking okay it's time now. The nurses would tell me, "no, you're only at 8 cm!" What!!??" The intense part of labor usually only lasts 2 to 3 hours at most for me, so I probably shouldn't even complain. I also didn't realized how much you bleed afterwards and how painful it is for the uterus to contract after having the baby. For me, the uterus contracting makes it hard to breastfeed for that first week. I do breastfeed, but it's not enjoyable at all with the hurtful contracting uterus. Other than that, being a part of bringing new life into the world and having a new precious baby is worth all the pain!Karihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09208276783281736857noreply@blogger.com